When I first started blogging in 2012, I did not know why I wanted to be a blogger. It was a cool thing to do at the time and seemed like a good avenue to tell fictional stories, so that’s what I did. I wrote 16 episodes of “a woman’s world” but could not bring myself to ‘land’ the story with the expertise of a seasoned fiction writer, so I left it hanging with the blunt end of zero suspense and delved into relationship blogging.
This seemed to make sense. I knew from seven years ago that being mistreated in a relationship was not acceptable and even had what you might call ‘feminist tendencies’ without identifying with the movement. I loved relationship blogging; it made sense at the time to sit on the stool of idealism and scream at people to ‘do the right thing!” Lots of exclamation marks were used to pass points across. A friend said he read my blog and felt I was in the room yelling at him. I felt embarrassed. I did not want to be a yelling relationship expert (and the use of the word expert is a stretch considering how single and drawn to unhappy relationships I was) so I went to some of my posts and changed the exclamations to periods. I left some of the ‘yelling’ because well, ‘how else would people get how passionate I was?’
As time went on, I started to realize there was a lot of nuance to consider when speaking to people in bad relationships. People just don’t wake up, look at an abusive partner and say “dayuuum! You fine! Can I get me some of that?”
No. People are led to that, conditioned into it, sometimes subdued into it. I realized people needed motivation so I changed my blog name to Motivation Springs. I wanted to motivate people and get them going. I imagined myself on world stages, telling people to “aspire to acquire what they desire because it is required” – yep. It does not get emptier than that in motivation speak.
To make it seem like I had fans, I did a Facebook advert of the Motivation Springs Facebook page and got over 1000 likes. It boosted my blog follower count on the site but led to zero engagement because those ‘followers’ were not real. Thank you Mark Zuckerberg.
Recently, the scales fell off my eyes. Everytime I delved into something new with my blog, I did it with the conceited impression that I had and knew everything I needed to tell people what to do and who to become. My position on matters sometimes lacked nuance, and in cases where they hit the nail on the head, I could not say I was living up to everything I was telling everyone to do.
See, that was the problem. I was telling everyone what to do from an idealistic point of view because it sounded sensible. It took a few years for this brand of ‘sensible’ to begin to sound empty to me and I realized I was losing my love for helping and inspiring others because I was watching the world through the eyes of idealism and not that of experience, and by doing that, I was creating a subtle kind of falsehood.
Hence this revamp.
It has taken a long time to get to this comfortable point of saying “I am not a relationship expert or an expert motivator. I don’t always have the right words or know the right things to do. I am just a young lady who has lived alone since 16 and has grown to view the world through different lenses. I want to share the reality of happenings around me, not the idealistic images of perfection I once tried to force on you.
I am an ‘expert’ who knows nothing more than to see people, events, opinions and life in the real expressions of what they are about. My posts might inspire you, some might make you laugh (if you have a dry sense of humor like me) and some might rub you off the wrong way. Whatever they make you feel, I hope for healthy discussions and sharing of real experiences. I hope to talk about everything from having a loving relationship with God to your best chicken wings recipe. I hope to read about your real life experiences not dream life experiences and I look forward to sharing this space with all my 200 followers. Yes, I deleted that Facebook page. 200 humans over 1000 robots for me any day! (Oops! I’m yelling again 😄 old habits).
Your not-so-Nigerian girl.