There are times when I don’t understand how life works. Yesterday at church, we were asked to write letters to God and I honestly did not know what to write. I did not understand everything that was going through my heart. I asked myself if it would be an appropriate avenue to yell and complain, or was it a good time to say “thank you God for all those things I didn’t thank you for”. Was it a good time to cry and just tell God I was about to give up on him? Or could I just ask questions and hope for the best answers? What exactly was I supposed to write? I sincerely did not know so I left the page blank.
It did not help that this morning I got heartbreaking news of someone’s loss. I cried. Why does God let those who trust and love him go through so much pain? Why does faith need to be tested and shaken on all sides to be proven? I wish I had the answers but I don’t.
One thing I do believe in though is that nothing is indeed permanent. I have fought and won so many battles, such that re-living the emotions I felt back then is almost impossible now. Indeed there are those battles that have left marks as reminders, but I choose to see them as scars that remind me of the strength I possess. I see them as proof of valiance and hope that I can face anything else that comes my way. Guess what? You can too.
As a child, I learned a quote that said “Everything will be alright in the end. If it is not alright, then it is not the end.” It gives me hope everytime I think about it. It makes me realize that I am not at the end when I am in the midst of a storm. I am not at the end when I am in pain and suffering. I am not at the end when I am buried beneath battles and numbness I cannot explain. You are not at the end either.
Every trial has a purpose. Every battle produces a hero. Thankfully, with God, we are not heroes like Achilles with sad endings. We are headed towards beautiful endings crafted in the beauty of God’s grace and favour. Even in the numbness you feel now, know that God is able to bring excitement and beauty that will blow your mind. I can imagine you don’t want to hear that now…certainly not in the midst of your pain and suffering. I can understand that…but I can’t help but tell you…
Just like everything else you have been through, this too shall pass.
All will be well.
P.S: In honor of forgotten dreams, I am finishing posts I saved as draft over the years. This is post number 4.