Many of us struggle with the concept of forgiveness because we do not understand it. There are many times I have told myself I’ve forgiven a person, yet the next time I lay eyes on them or see a picture of them, I feel like scratching their faces. Sometimes, I led myself to believe that if I ignored such people or cut them out of my life completely, then forgiveness would somehow emerge out of the blue. I can tell you that only works with people who meant to nothing to you from the start. Forgiveness is a process, and sometimes a lengthy one. To truly forgive, you must understand what forgiveness really aims to achieve.
Forgiveness is not equivalent to amnesia which is what I focused on achieving many times. Forgiveness does not mean you automatically forget how much a person hurt you. Rather, forgiveness lessens the impact of the wrongdoing. This is what makes the whole thing a process. To truly forgive, you may have to relive the hurt again, you may find yourself over-analyzing and trying to excuse a person’s bad behaviour. You may find yourself hurting over and over, but after a while, the effects of the negative emotions start to wear off. You find that you are letting go. And the next time you see the cause of your hurt, you don’t feel like scratching out his or her face. You might want to pinch them, but hey like I said, it is a process. Give yourself time to come to a point of forgiveness. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t come to that point as soon as you’d like. Forgiveness is a process, and it does not mean you forget any wrongs perpetrated against you easily.