As published on the covenant relationships blog
I am a big lover of movies; hardly a week goes by where I don’t seek out old movies, new movies, all-time favorites… the whole nine yards. One of my favorite genres happen to be romantic comedies. Why? They make me laugh till my sides ache and at the same time paint a picture of relationships that make you want to believe things are always rosy and perfect. Many believe we should aspire to such a picture of perfection, perhaps we should. However, the movies make it look so easy, you’d swear all it takes to attain that perfect picture are a bouquet of flowers, chocolates, or if you are feeling generous, a piece of jewelry. If only it was that easy…
I have come to learn that relationships are not as straightforward as they are made out to be. They are not as easy, they are not as rosy and certainly not only filled with laughter and jokes, but sometimes tears and pain. What if they could be easy, rosy, filled with laughter and jokes, and everything else that seems to define happiness?
It takes a lot of maturity to understand that relationships are learning curves. There are traits and characteristics about yourself that you will never learn except you go into a relationship. As a single individual, there are certain traits within you that are suppressed because you have no need to express them. The way you relate with your family is certainly not the same way you would relate with a potential spouse. Certain traits you were unaware will show up, some of them surprisingly pleasant and others, just downright appalling. They will shock you, they will probably even terrify your partner, but more importantly, they will teach you lessons about yourself and the not-so-great attributes that you didn’t think existed within an inch of your body. In other words, you will learn the good, the bad and the ugly about yourself. What’s important is to have a partner who is willing to awaken your consciousness to these traits, talk to you about them, help you work through them, till you are able to let go of them or find better ways of expressing yourself.
Even more important than finding a partner to help you work through your ‘ugliness’ is the willingness to learn. Relationships can’t grow if we don’t learn. If we are against learning, we are taking a stand to disconnect from people, and break bonds that we hold dear. Of course, it may be that you are willing to learn but can’t find a partner who wants to help you work on the bad and ugly sides of you. I admit it’s more difficult to find such people than most of us think, but somewhere out there, someone else is seeking a partner that will help him work on his bad and ugly traits. He understands there is no perfection in humanity, but there’s always room to teach, to mould and to emancipate. Have a blessed week XOXO