Message to the last single girls: STOP!

It is funny  (I don’t mean funny Ha-ha) how life can spiral out of control and we believe we have no control over it. Of course there are times it feels like fate has conspired against you and everything is really beyond your control, but that excuse is extra-flimpsy when it comes to matters of the heart.

Dear single lady, it must be hard going from one relationship to the other and failing every time. Sometimes, you know it’s not your fault everything bit the dust and there are other times you just wish you could have done  a lot more to save your relationship. You endure emotional abuse, you try to mould a frog into a prince, you even try to play saviour and save him from his hell-bent heart but nothing works…don’t stress, I’m not judging. I’ve been there, done that and nope I didn’t get the t-shirt. I was manufacturing the t-shirts until God closed down that factory and hung the stop sign right in front of my face

stop sign

Dear single lady, it is time for you to put an end to vicious cycles too. STOP accepting to be the second best! If Mr. whoever is in a relationship with someone else, then HELL NO you can’t be his muse on the side! It all seems cool and intriguing at first when he is promising you a trip on a flying carpet but believe me, the intrigue doesn’t last long when he realises he can get the milk without having to buy the cow. Who wants to tend to a cow, feed it, keep it warm in winter and have a grazing ground for it in summer when they can get all the milk they need for free?

STOP enduring emotional abuse! People often say “I said those things because I was so angry, I didn’t mean to call you a bastard or a bitch” Puhlease! Arguments, debates, whatever they are should be based on respect still. Don’t endure a relationship where you are spoken to condescendingly, where you have no right to be yourself, where you feel empty and distraught all the time. Don’t let the fear of being single lead you to an emotional grave.

STOP acting aloof when it comes to your appearance. Yeah yeah “beauty comes from within” but men that love intelligent women won’t queue up to hear your theories on quantum physics, nor are they capable of reading your mind. The first thing they see is you – your body, your smile, your fashion sense, your hair…everything that makes them seem shallow. Don’t judge, we all know we judge men by their looks too before we even decide to speak to them. Put some effort into your appearance. Don’t take yourself too seriously not to. Don’t say “dressing up makes me look like I need a man”or “my man will find me”. My dear, it will be hard for him to find you if you blend in with the furniture. In an effort to stand out, don’t wear too much makeup, you’ll look like an infant poured a whole lot of colour over a drawing paper. Don’t dress indecently; dresses with your boobs spilling out or your bum in transparent leggings for the world to see are not going to help you get a man but you’ll get a dog. Perhaps, you’ll be happy with that.

STOP walking around looking like the economic recession of the world is your fault. Smile; when someone smiles at you at the bank, smile back, exude happiness, be positive. believe it or not, it shows on your face. Be willing to pay other people compliments and accept the compliments they pay you. When a person says “That’s a nice dress”, don’t reply with “Oh! Is it?” or “I think it looks funny”. Say thank you and let them see that you mean it.

STOP over-feeding or under-feeding yourself. Obesity is not attractive, nor is anorexia. To be happy and positive, your health is important! Keep yourself healthy! Don’t indulge in unhealthy habits that will cut your life short or rob you of happiness.

STOP self-abuse. I was speaking with a friend yesterday and he  told me he self-abuses a lot by saying things that are derogatory to himself. Stop it! Every time you have the urge to self-abuse, try these ‘pick me up lines’

“I do my best always”, “I am smart in spite of my mistakes’ “What I did was wrong and I forgive myself” “I will do better next time” “God loves me in spite of my flaws”.

 I use these lines when I feel down and out. They have never failed especially when I add some low-fat frozen yoghurt to the mix 😉

STOP playing saviour! I have heard and seen many women play financial saviour, emotional saviour, even accommodation and feeding saviour. That’s like buying a puppy and grooming it so it grows to like you. You are his partner, not his mother. Don’t get me wrong, you can be supportive  of him but don’t make it a habit to wear the pants in the relationship. You’re his woman, be content in your skirt.

STOP acting like you’ll die if he leaves you. Every man likes to know his woman is content being by herself though she loves him so much she would love for things to work out. Don’t become that obsessive woman who isolates him from everyone else or tries to spend every second of everyday with him. Please spend some time with yourself. Have your own friends separate from his. It’s good to give a man some breathing space. You need the space too to think and reflect and have some crazy fun with your girls when he’s not there.

Some people think the saddest thing in life is loving someone who doesn’t reciprocate it but the saddest thing I’ve seen is a woman loving a man so much that she’d endure a unfulfilling and abusive relationship, forgetting that she is mighty special too.

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