I have spent a considerable amount of time wondering why we women often sit in despair and say “I wish i could stop doing all these crazy things I do but i just can’t help it”. Pause….More often than not, my reaction is a long stare at the exasperated woman – a stare that is often accompanied by a smile or the shaking of my head in frustration…How is it that we tend to make ourselves seem so powerless???
At some point, I was like you. I would sit and complain, sometimes, even take pride in what I can only call foolishness simply because I felt helpless but didn’t want others to see it. You know that saying “If you laugh at yourself, it won’t hurt when others laugh at you?” That was the rule I applied to everything I didn’t like about myself. I laughed about all those things; not once did i think about changing them!
I soon realized that I had the power to change all those things I didn’t like about myself. All I had to do was harness it and use all my energy constructively to make necessary changes. Here are some tips I would like to share with you:
Firstly, stop making decisions that make you miserable. These days, I can’t help but notice many of us keep making the same kinds of decisions, yet we are expecting different results. It is just like choosing to cook a pot of rice for dinner but hoping it will magically become a bowl of vegetables and fruits. Dear lady or gentleman reading this, always remember that you have power over the decisions you make. If from experience, you know a certain kind of man/ woman, a certain kind of habit or lifestyle robs you of your happiness and makes you an angry bitter person, then it’s time to put a full stop to it. Of course it’s easier said than done but who or what can beat the power of determination?
Stop walking around with baggage! Many women and even men are dying beneath the heavy weight of their past hurts, past broken-ness and basically everything that happened in the past. I came across a quote today …..”Look at life through the windshield and not the rear-view mirror.” Let it all go. If someone hurt you, don’t walk around blaming yourself for it till the trumpet sounds, learn your lesson and move on with life. If you hurt someone, apologise, make peace with him or her. Your apology may not be accepted right there at that moment but that person will appreciate the fact that you thought him or her worthy of a sincere apology.
Learn to count your blessings everyday rather than your mishaps. It is so easy to think about the many things we don’t have, forgetting we already have the best things that money cannot buy – life, family, friends, God… Wake up every morning with a determination to be happy! Be like me…there was a time I would wake up depressed because I just couldn’t understand the direction in which my life was headed but I snapped out of it (i admit it took a while and a lot of effort but it worked). Wake up everyday, look into the mirror and say something you are thankful for. I am thankful for my smile. It might be insignificant to others but I am happy God blessed me with a beautiful smile (even if i say so myself 😉
Know your worth. Every morning when you wake up, remind yourself of what you’re worth. It is hard to be happy when you don’t know what you’re worth; you’ll simply go through life like a cigarette. people will buy you when they need you, set you on fire to get the best out of you, and once they are done with you, crush you beneath their feet. That is no way to go through life. Define your values and stick by them. A woman or man without principles will not gain a lot of respect from anyone!
You don’t need to defend yourself at every opportunity. Of course there are those people lurking around, waiting for you to slip so they can remind you of what you said in 1983. Please…remember this is your life, a life God has blessed. You don’t need to report to any individual or seek their approval for you to be happy with yourself. Do what makes you happy. If others are not happy with it, tough luck…just remember to do things that please God. What HE thinks of you is what matters the most. If a person pushes you to be defensive all the time, learn the art of smiling and staying quiet. This was difficult for me to master. I really can’t count the number of heads I have chewed off in my defensiveness.
Don’t let negative people rent space in your head. Raise the rent and kick ALL of them out! Those people who say things like “Oh you know it will be hard for you to achieve that.” “No one can ever get that far in life.” “Mediocrity is the new norm. Join the wagon”. Do not let such thoughts last in your head for more than a femto-second that’s 0.000000000000001s. Also, don’t let guilt take over your life. You may have made some mistakes in the past but you can’t rewind time. If you let guilt rule your life, you will do things to please other people at your own expense. You will stay in a love-less relationship because you don’t want to add anything to your guilt meter, you will lose your spontaneity and zeal for life and you will end up as another soul, simply floating through earth with no positive impact on anyone.
Choose to believe the best about yourself, pursue your dreams and whatever you don’t like, pray and act! Don’t just say “God change me”.Make conscious efforts to change! and best of all, be determined to stick with the better You, even when the old, unhappy and depressed you calls, let it go to voicemail. You can be better if you just try!